Moral Victory. In Arequipa, Peru, beaten unconscious by 82-year-old Jose Ibarra, Saturnine Garcia, 110, recovered, amiably explained the scrap: "We were chatting about events of long ago. Jose got mad because I proved that I have a better memory for dates ..."

Point of No Return. In Philadelphia, after ransacking the Doering and Beatty Lumber Co. for half an hour. Burglar John Queenan finally found a slip of paper inscribed with the combination to the office safe, opened the safe, found it empty, in disgust telephoned police to come and arrest him.

Bill of Particulars. In Chicago, suing for breach of contract, a food distributor charged that the Flamm Pickle and Packing Co. shipped pickles that blew up jars in warehouse refrigerators, on retail shelves and purchasing agents' desks, and moreover, were "less than perfect in taste, smell and coloring."

J'Accuse! In Elyria, Ohio, after Mrs. Alice Bew telephoned police to come arrest her husband George for drunkenness, two patrolmen arrived, listened to both Bews, locked up Alice but left George free.

Travel Expense. In Memphis, six members of the Episcopal Church of the Holy Communion conferred, finally decided to pay the expenses for Minister Eric S. Greenwood's wife to travel with him to a convention in Hawaii, because "husbands can't be allowed to go running all over the globe by themselves."

Hour of Decision. In Olean, N.Y., fined $2 for a parking violation, Motorist Mike Gabriel offered to pay $1, was turned down, chose five days in jail, after four hours behind bars changed his mind, paid the fine in full.

Salesman. In Tallahassee, Fla., Bail Bondsman Tony Johnson was ordered to answer charges that he 1) printed the county sheriff's office telephone number on his business cards, 2) had prisoners called to the jailer's office so that he could urge them to let him post their bail, 3) often slept in the county jail to keep tabs on likely new prospects.

Better to Give. In Pasadena, Calif., Mrs. Selene Roger turned over a roll of bills to puzzled police, claimed that for a month someone had broken into her room almost nightly, put a total of $49 in her purse.

Let No Other Escape. In Castlemaine, Australia, police hunted the cool thief who broke into the city jail, swiped the jailer's keys, backed his car up to the window of the jailer's office, heisted a 204-lb. safe containing $300, then carefully closed the door in the jail's main gate behind him before he drove off.

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