Deputy. In Newark, the FBI arrested Anthony Steven Profetto, 20, after Profetto, to evade Selective Service, sent a one-legged friend to substitute for him m a draft-board physical.

Past Master. In Sidney, Neb., former County Attorney Jack Knicely agreed to appear in a drunken-driving case representing Defendant Dale Anderson, whom he had twice successfully prosecuted on drunken-driving charges in 1953.

The Light. In Denver, after breaking into and ransacking the Colorado Duntile Products Co., breaking locks off tool boxes and the dial off a safe, a burglar finally gave up, penned a thoughtful note: "This night has convinced me that tomorrow I am starting to go straight. Your friend, the burglar."

Pen Pals. In Taipei, Formosa, hoping to get rich on stamps, Chao Chun, 31, placed a newspaper ad reading, "Attractive widow of 25, high-school graduate, seeks husband; send photo, personal history and stamps for reply," got 5,000 bids, was finally turned over to police when disgruntled suitors came around to see why they were receiving no replies.

Talce-Offs & Landings. In Buffalo, police finally caught up with elusive Airman Frederick R. Scott. 24, after he had gone AWOL six times, re-enlisted five times with the aid of fake discharge papers, collected some $4,000 in re-enlistment bonuses.

Fat of the Land. In Cambridge, Ill., Farmer M. C. Samuelson complained to the Henry County state's attorney that after he left a signed blank check with his order for a pound of butter, Milkman Robert Fowler picked up the check, blithely made it out to himself in the sum of $250.

Cat Feet. In Pasadena, Calif., Veterinarian Dr. Ivan Peterson reported that all 30 of his resident dogs had slumbered soundly while a thief broke into the office escaped with $50.

One More Try. In Seattle, Leon Hubert Harent, 80, a stoop-shouldered invalid barely able to walk, handed a post office clerk a holdup note demanding $1,000, was arrested on the spot, admitted that he had been in prison for robberies almost continuously since 1894, added sadly: "I'm not very handy at anything; I've never been much of a success."

Double Play. In Old Saybrook, Conn., highway police stopped and questioned Motorist Edward R. Bouthiette for failure to pay a bridge toll, arrested him when they found that he was driving a stolen car, returned it to Rightful Owner Chester Jackson and arrested him, too, for ignoring six parking tickets.

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