Special Aptitude. In Philadelphia, a constituent asked State Senator Charles Weiner to help him get hired as Pennsylvania's official executioner, explained that he wanted the job because "I guess I just hate people."

Kennel Show. In Kansas City, Mo., after the Star mistakenly published his reward offer of $1,500 (instead of $15) for the return of his pet pointer Queenie, William C. Boosman was compelled to inspect some 500 dogs of all descriptions, finally in desperation rushed out and found Queenie himself.

Bitter Half. In Duluth, Lucy Ann Susienka inserted a personal ad in the News-Tribune: "As far as my husband, Melvin Susienka, not being responsible for my bills, he never was. I have always paid the bills as he usually doesn't work."

Slight of Hand. In Buffalo, up for sentencing after pleading guilty, Forger Leander Jones confided to the judge that he could neither read nor write.

White Sheep. In Dawson Springs, Ky., Police Chief Bill Boucher nabbed his brother Dude on a charge of reckless driving, jugged his father Jonas for drunkenness, hauled in his brother Claude for disturbing the peace and assaulting Police Chief Boucher.

Inside Job. In Clairvaux, France, after six missing convicts had been hunted all over the countryside for four days, they were found in a prison garret weaving a long rope for climbing over the outer wall.

Beverage List. In Milwaukee, Clarence L. Drinkwater was fined $100 for drunken driving after he had loaded up on beer and whisky at a milkmen's picnic.

Q.E.D. In Twin Oaks, Calif., after Mountaineer George Taylor, 90, set the safety blocks and cranked his 1919 model T Ford, the car ran over him, headed down the mountain, caught fire, burned itself to a stop, drew from George a final farewell: "I never did trust those dern things."

Marathon. In Barren Hill, Pa., caught in a stranger's closet, Burglary Suspect Benjamin Waites said that he "was running away from the stevedores," failed to explain how he happened to be 15 miles from Philadelphia's strikebound waterfront.

Graduation Ceremony. In Detroit, Mrs. Lillian Morrison got a divorce from husband Everett after charging that he spent all his time reading the dictionary while she worked, greeted her return from the office every day by forcing her to learn ten new words and answer an oral quiz on them.

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