New Market. In Portland, reported the Oregon Journal, a local dress shop put a placard in its window: "Maternity Fashions for the Modern Miss."

Turn of the Screw. In Tulsa, a vengeful thug stole a police car from headquarters, used its two-way radio to taunt the cops in the station, got clean away.

High Flavor. In Dumont, N.J., Mrs. Thomas Dolan decided to cook Sunday dinner at home, roasted not only the beef but also $600 her husband had stored in the oven.

Disenchanted. In St. Louis, Magistrate Anton Sestric awarded $500 damages to four-year-old Gary Lee Roberts, another $500 to his parents, for the illusion that was shattered last year when a department-store Santa Claus picked up young Gary Lee, carelessly dropped him.

Nothing Sacred. In Nashville, a hoodlum made off in broad daylight with a $50 radio from the police station.

Modern Times. In Dayton, a housewife, equipped with field glasses, hired the Miami Valley Flying Service to circle over Wright Patterson Air Force Base, where her husband works, because "I want to find out where he goes after he leaves the field and before he comes home."

Hint. In Milwaukee, Mrs. Evelyn Hansher, 52, was charged with disorderly conduct for spitefully ordering seven ambulances and six hearses to the home of a woman acquaintance.

Imperfect World. In Baltimore, Chairman Gordon Fleet of the Maryland Game and Inland Fishing Commission and Lester Towner, member of the Maryland Board of Natural Resources, were each fined $25 for illegal hunting.

Cold Cash. In Columbus, Ohio, $1,000 was stolen from James Montgomery's hiding place: the refrigerator.

Entertainment Tax. In Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., Salesman Edward Cerftin paid the manager of a restaurant $1.10 to keep the jukebox quiet during his lunch.

Political Note. In Denver, the Post ran an advertisement in its Personals column for "three Republican ladies" to complete a bridge table.

Grand Larceny. In Tulsa, under cover of darkness, thieves made off from Mrs. Estelle Franklin's house with her bathtub, gas stove, kitchen sink.

The Hypocrite. In Frankfort, Ky., police looked for an escaped convict named Donald Roberts, 20, who could be identified by the slogan tattooed on his chest: "CRIME DOES NOT PAY."

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