Something Borrowed. In Elizabethtown, Ky., police interrupted the honeymoon of Frank Kenney, who had bought a ring and marriage license with bad checks, driven away with his bride in a stolen car.

Long Distance. In Indianapolis, Methodist Bishop Richard C. Raines studied his telephone bill, was thoroughly puzzled by a 70-c- charge for a call to "Heaven."

The Inner Taxpayer. In Chattanooga, U.S. Commissioner of Internal Revenue George J. Schoeneman told the National Association of Tax Administrators that one out of four individual income tax returns is erroneous and that 91% of the errors are at the government's expense.

Perchance to Dream. In Milwaukee, eight middle-aged women were arraigned on gambling charges for playing rummy with pillowcases as stakes.

Superintendent. In Memphis, a man standing precariously on the roof of an eleven-story hotel told the two policemen who rushed up to prevent him from jumping that he was only watching a construction job.

Man with a Future. In Long Beach, Calif., the Clara Lane Friendship Center reported that a burglar had made off with a file listing the names, addresses, telephone numbers, physical specifications and incomes of over 100 unattached women.

And As For You ... In Lawton, Okla., Judge Lem Foster fined Clifton Minner $20 for picking Daniel Clark's pocket, then fined Daniel Clark $20 for public drunkenness.

Courtesy of the Road. In Fayetteville, N.C., Mrs. Myrtle Melvin, impressed because she was "treated so nice" by the bus driver who halted at the edge of the highway for half an hour while she gave birth, named her newborn daughter Queenie--after the Queen City Trailways bus line.

Dictum. In Cincinnati, Judge Charles S. Bell paused in the course of hearing a divorce suit to deliver a parenthetical opinion: it is a serious mistake for any man to hand over his entire paycheck to his wife.

The Other Half. In Woodward, Okla., Walter Thomas went to a Kiwanis benefit auction, successfully bid for a coat, donated by his wife, which just matched his own pants.

Case Closed. In Painesville, Ohio, Policeman Leon Debolt investigated a girl's tearful complaint against her father, wrote his report on the case: "Daughter, 15 years old, stayed out till 3 a.m. Got paddled. Needed it."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.