Elementary. In Amesdale, Ont., Constable Eckvert studied the evidence of burglary at Ames's General Store, took a cast of human teeth marks in a piece of Canadian Cheddar cheese, tracked down and got a confession from Gourmet Gerard Chouinard.

Debtor Nation. In Marshfield, Wis., Gerald Boos and Arthur Lynn, arguing that most of last winter's harsh weather originated in Canada, decided to bill the Dominion for $136, half of their annual heating bill.

The Crowd. In Brockton, Mont. (pop. 350), Raymond Woeppel, the high school's only graduate this year, delivered a valedictory entitled "I am not alone."

Ordeal for Hire. In San Antonio, Charles M. Dickson withdrew as a candidate for the state legislature, explained that his health would not permit him to go through a "stump-speaking, barbecue-eating, beer-drinking and baby-kissing campaign."

Fish Story. Off Brielle, N.J., Sigmund Scharf caught 14 sharks with one hook by hauling in a six-foot brown shark which later produced a litter of 13 in the boat's cockpit.

Boo! In West Palm Beach, Fla., county officials, harried by the courthouse pigeons, pondered, decided to spend $5.76 for 36 rubber garter snakes to be placed on the ledge where the pigeons gather.

Headquarters. In Lisbon, N.Y., state inspectors ordered the village's fire-fighting equipment moved into a garage, after a checkup proved that the firehouse was a fire hazard.

Surprise. In Douglas, Wyo., 14-year-old Jimmy Willox, after having ridden horseback 20 miles to school every day for the past eight years, received an eighth-grade graduation present from his proud father: a saddle horse.

Understatement. In Philadelphia, after being injured in a bus accident, Karl J. Mersinger sued the Philadelphia Transportation Co. for $75,000 damages, was awarded $90,000 by a sympathetic jury.

Post Haste. In Medicine Hat, Alberta, Postmaster Sam Goldie announced that his office is trying to speed up mail service by putting on two new men: M. V. Quick and C. R. Fast.

Arm of the Law. In Detroit, Patrolman Philip Kolhoff was suspended and charged with conduct unbecoming an officer after he turned in a report admitting that a woman he met in a bar had made off with his revolver.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.