Spoils System. In Denver, Kenneth Sigrist admitted that he had broken into District Attorney Bert Keating's automobile with intent to steal, but protested, "What's he hollering about? I voted for him, didn't I?"

Lark? In Knoxville, Tenn., firemen ministered to a pigeon which had eaten too many ripe cherries, fallen out of a tree.

Man's World. In Blackpool, England, Violet Brindle protested that, in an effort to make her quit her job as a streetcar conductor, her husband had 1) blocked her trolley line by haranguing a crowd about his troubles, 2) burned the skirt of her conductor's uniform, 3) burned the supper peas.

Safety First. In Louisville, Mrs. Sarah McGrew, suing the city for $5,580, charged that she had tripped and fallen over a safety campaign sign.

Eye Test. In Los Angeles, police were looking for the stranger who snatched off Harvey Bornstein's glasses, made his victim count the number of fingers he held up, then snapped the glasses in two and walked away with the remark: "You don't need glasses."

Selective Service. In Little Rock, Ark., when Civil Service Commission officials explained to a job applicant that positions were limited to those with "veterans' preference," the woman admitted that she was not a veteran or married to one, "but I sure prefer them."

Formula. In Isleworth, England, Samuel Taylor, 80, gave the secret of his long life: daily with meals, a brew of "stinging nettles, dandelions and fresh green shoots of a may bush."

The Dark Side. In Columbia, Tenn., Bridge Worker Walter Atkinson fell 41 feet into 18 inches of water, arose only slightly bruised but with a complaint: "My cigarettes got wet."

Catch. In Denver, city officials totted up the results of the first week's fishing at the City Park lake: two swans, one snow goose, one live duck, one dead duck.

Pillowcase. In Petersburg, Va., Jewelry Salesman Herbert Streiff asked that local laundries be thoroughly searched for $30,000 in precious stones which he had stuffed into his tourist-camp pillow for safekeeping.

Salvage. In Oneida, Wis., John J. Everhard, whose wife had loaded her belongings into a wheelbarrow and left him for the eleventh time, asked the Press-Gazette to "put an item in the paper, won't you?

I want that wheelbarrow back."

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