F as in Alfabet

The most resounding byline on the Anglophobe Chicago Tribune belongs to British-born John Lucius Astley-Cock. Now 74, bushy-browed, patrician Astley-Cock has been, among many things, a Cambridge University athlete, linguist, Shakespearean scholar, psychologist and church organist. At the Trib, where he has worked since 1932, his nominal title is assistant education and religion editor. But he has done his most enduring work as the paper's doctor of philology, in charge of amputating letters from words. One day last week, Astley-Cock's byline heralded the latest additions to the Trib's simplified spelling list--one of the most formidable latitudes of Colonel Robert R. McCormick's strange, solipsist world.

From now on, proclaimed the Trib, words of more than one syllable ending in "ff" will end simply in "f," e.g., distaf, sherif, tarif, midrif, bailif, mastif, rifraf. (One-syllable words like cuff, scoff and fluff will keep the "ff.") Also doomed to Trib extinction: the letters "ph" within a word, which will be replaced by "f," e.g., anglofobe, sofistry, sofomore, sofisticate, biografy. Magnanimously, the Trib granted "ph" the right to continue to exist at the start of words, e.g., philosofy, photog-rafer. Explained Amputator Astley-Cock: "It is a wise policy to recognize the universally valid principle of festina lente (hasten slowly). To abolish 'ph' at the beginning of words would mean to be out of line with the dictionary . . . Where, for instance, would a foreigner or student find 'fthisis' to learn that it meant tuberculosis?"

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