Surprise. In Cleveland, after Mrs. Frances Weber woke her husband with a shout, "I just had a baby!", Mr. Weber said he knew his wife had gained some weight recently, but "we just thought she needed a little exercise."

Conscientious Ejector. In Las Cruces, N. Mex., Draft Violator Joseph Graigmyle explained why he had run away from his cow-milking job at La Tuna Federal Correctional Institution: "I found out the milk was going to Fort Bliss, and I don't believe in helping the Army in any way."

False Shepherds. In Birmingham, Police Chief Floyd Eddins dismissed four policemen working on a jewelry-store burglary, charged that they helped themselves to three wristwatches from the broken store window.

By Name. In Richmond, Va., after recruiting officers turned him down for the second time, 16-year-old John Paul Jones agreed to wait another year to join the Navy.

Robin Hoodwinked. In Chicago, confronted by an armed robber, Mrs. Josephine Halper burst into tears and wailed: "I need bread and he asks me for money!", wheedled a dollar from the outlaw and gave it to her son who promptly lost it in a bingo game.

Test Pilot. In Glendale, Calif., Robert W. Dan pleaded guilty to ramming his 18-year-old car into 21 new 1949 automobiles parked on the street, then explained: "I wanted to see how easy those big long panels pushed in."

Pack Rat. In Hagerstown, Md., a few hours after Chester Delauney had been released from Washington County Jail, he was rearrested and charged with stealing a blanket, a mattress cover, 15 cakes of soap and two brushes from his cell.

Ace-in-the-Hole. In London, Lloyd's announced a new insurance policy for golfers, paying -L-10 to cover the traditional round of drinks at the clubhouse after a hole-in-one.

Never Too Late. In Syracuse, N.Y., police found a stolen watch in a pawnshop, then set out to find Samuel Stewart, who had reported it missing 22 years ago.

Sanctuary. In Atlanta, an injured pigeon with its tail feathers gone and right side badly mangled interrupted its homeward flight long enough to alight on the lawn of the S.P.C.A. for repairs.

Light Touch. In Pittsburgh, the Pennsylvania Railroad investigated high maintenance costs, finally charged two employees with stealing 250,000 electric bulbs.

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