Interfaith Marriages

"Don't marry out of your Church, or you'll regret it all your life." So all Roman Catholic priests and many Protestant ministers warn their flocks. But most young people in love believe that love will conquer everything--including church dogma, ritual and customs.

To find out what actually happens in marriages between people of different faiths, Sociology Professor Murray H. Leiffer of the Methodist Garrett Biblical Institute in Evanston, Ill. conducted a survey in a "middleclass, densely occupied community in a large American city." His findings, published in the Christian Century, make a more detailed warning to young lovers.

Silent Husbands. With help from 22 churches, Professor Leiffer & associates interviewed one or both partners in 743 "mixed" marriages. More than one-third (271) were marriages of Lutherans and Roman Catholics; marriages of non-Lutheran Protestants to Catholics (209) were almost equaled in number by interdenominational marriages between Protestants (206).

The commonest adjustment to a mixed marriage, says Leiffer, is for one or both of the partners to stop taking an interest in church. "Of the 444 men who were involved in a Roman Catholic-Protestant marriage, no no longer had even a nominal connection with their old church and 124 had not attended church for a year. Of the 449 wives involved in such marriages ... 60 claimed no church affiliation and 91 had not attended church for a year." Usually it is the husband who sacrifices his religion on the altar of marital concord. Typical, reports Leiffer, is an interview with a housewife who had been a Presbyterian and had married a Roman Catholic:

"Interviewer: Has your mixed marriage been a handicap?

"Wife: It has caused the only conflict we ever had . . .

"Interviewer: How have you compromised?

"Wife: We haven't. My husband has just given up religion altogether . .

"Interviewer: Are you continuing to go to church?

"Wife: Oh, yes. I and the children go to this Baptist church on the corner. I am not a member, but if our oldest girl decides to join, I may join with her.

"Interviewer: What does your husband think of this?

"Wife: He doesn't seem to care. He never says anything."

But silent husbands are not always indifferent. Reported one: "'My wife is very serious concerning her religious beliefs. I too have my religious beliefs, but I think that it is best not to discuss them. I do not discuss my beliefs with the people upstairs or with my wife. They all go to church, but I stay home and say nothing.' "

Grab-Bag Families. The statement of one urban housewife reflects the city's blurring of denominational lines: "'My first change was from the Catholic church to an Episcopal . . . because there was no Catholic church in the community . . . My husband was formerly Presbyterian. When we moved to M we wanted to go to some church and we simply started walking down the street till we came to one. It turned out to be the Lutheran church. We ... finally joined and we like it very much . . . Our children have been baptized in the Lutheran church.'"

Children cause much of the pulling & hauling between parents of different faiths. Only occasionally do parents split the difference (" 'The oldest [of our children] is Catholic and the youngest Lutheran' "). Sometimes a family turns into a denominational grab bag. Said one girl: "Mother is a member of the United Brethren church ... I have one sister who is Christian Science, one who is Free Methodist, and I am Lutheran.' " When the interviewer asked how this worked out when they were together, she replied: " 'We have to leave off the subject of religion altogether ... I am sure we are not as close as sisters should be . . .'"

Writes Professor Leiffer: "Divergent religious attachments, if they are taken seriously, generally constitute a basis of conflict, especially after the advent of children. Only a few instances of homes broken because of religious diversity were discovered through this study, but in numerous families the tension continued to be acute, even after twenty years of marriage." He adds: "It is abundantly clear that interfaith marriages have unfortunate results for organized religion."

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