Almost Human

After seven weeks of howling success on the air, radio's newest star is disgusted. He meets the public so often now that he has to take a bath every two weeks--twice as often as he used to. His reward is a mere 25 biscuits a show--mouse-bait to a full-grown, well-to-do male collie like "Lassie" (real name: "Pal").

But Lassie's bosses are getting plenty of biscuits. The Red Heart Dog Food show brings Owner-Trainer Rudd Weatherwax at least $500 a week. As for MGM, which holds the collie's movie contract, the broadcasts are helping to make their cinemutt the most celebrated dog since Cerberus.

Every Sunday before broadcast time (3 p.m. E.D.T., ABC), to "warm up" the studio audience, Lassie yips, yowls, quivers, limps, rolls over and generally works himself into a lather (which Weatherwax wipes off with a clean handkerchief). Then he bounds onto a table, squats with his snout a professional six inches from the mike. "On-the-air" is signaled, Lassie barks, the show is on.

"Now for the first time in history," the announcer intones, "a dog appears as the star of a national radio program. But . . . a word from our star, Lassie. All your fans have asked what your favorite color is. Is it blue? [Pause] Pink? [Pause] Now don't tell me it's Red Heart!"

Lassie (as Weatherwax signals): "Yipe Yipe! Yipe!"

Lassie takes about 15 whining and barking cues a week. He also pants with exquisite nuance (and with considerable editing by the sound panel), but cannot be depended on to growl or snarl on cue.

Since Lassie's radio venture, the demand for his autograph has increased so greatly that Trainer Weatherwax has decided to have the dog fitted with an inked paw-pad bearing his picture. Consumption of Red Heart Dog Food has also increased, at least in the Weatherwax household. Once Weatherwax even fed some Red Heart sandwiches to unsuspecting guests.

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