Bright Idea. In Chicago, a court order forbade Nick Messina to throw lighted matches at his mother-in-law.

Dictatorial. In Dade County, Fla., voters decided they didn't want a district attorney named Frank O. Spain.

Place & Show. In Omaha, Marty Kaplan, ahead in the last lap of a swimming race, put on his stretch drive, swam right out of his trunks, got rattled, finished second.

Live Subject. In London, a hotel guest complained of being asked to lie down to have his white tie tied. Reason: the valet used to be an undertaker.

Chain Reaction. In Beverly Hills, Mo., the Leslie Whites had a loud weekend: first, a quart jar of gooseberry preserves blew up; next, three cans of date pudding; finally, a gallon jug of gasoline, which touched off a hundred 12-gauge shotgun shells, a thousand .22 cartridges.

Small Change. In Rhinelander, Wis., Raymond Frank Dziewiantkowski applied to have his name changed to Harry Frank Dziewiantkowski.

Last Roundup. In San Diego, Dorothy McAndrews had a few drinks, went for a merry-go-round ride, hung on gamely but got thrown by her horse, was arrested.

Hat Trick. In Lubbock, Tex., after searchers spent 24 hours vainly dragging a lake for drowned Roosevelt Bailey's body, Negro Leroy Cooper offered to "conjure it up with the 'hat method.' " He tossed the dead man's hat into the water, where it drifted 50 feet, then sank like a rock directly on the body.

Cleaned Up. In McKeesport, Pa., OPAdministrator Kenneth Whitaker upheld a customer's claim that a dry-cleaning firm had no business charging him 10-c- extra a suit because he weighed 250 Ibs.

Contact! In Manhattan, Moe Rothenberg, learning to drive, started the car on a crowded lower East Side street, drove ten feet, knocked down a baby carriage, pinned a man and the baby under the car, injured four others.

10,000 Times No. In Ohro, Japan, five thieves, offered 2,000 yen by Mrs. Ko Nagashima, snorted, "We couldn't take a paltry sum like that," made her go next door and borrow 10,000 more.

Rookie. At Fort Belvoir, Va., Private George Geographos, a basic trainee, refused to accept his paycheck, insisted he had done nothing to earn it.

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