Simple Subtraction. In Fort Collins, Colo., E. G. Whitehead reported the theft of his front porch.

Year of Plenty. In Brooklyn, N.Y., Mrs. Zack Gabel bore her fourth child in eleven months--twins again.

Terrible-Tempered Tarpon. In Port Isabel, Texas, a 6-ft., 125-lb. tarpon got mad at Fisherman William Bledsoe, jumped out of the water into his boat, busted four of his ribs, knocked him overboard, but was too tired to follow him back in.

Expert Puzzled. In Milwaukee, Housing Director Rudolph J. Nedved was still living around after eleven months of house-hunting.

Full House. In Hayward, Calif., Harold Sexton was arrested for overcrowding his taxi. His payload: 18 passengers.

Brrr. In Chicago, Mr. & Mrs. Henry Cold Snow made winter reservations at Sarasota, Fla. In Pearl Harbor, the Navy Yard supervisor of refrigeration was Jack Frost Jr.

License. In Franklin County, Ohio, 1945's divorce suits outnumbered marriage licenses by a solid 253.

Swarmirage. In Decatur, Ind., firemen bravely struggled to the summit of a 200-ft. grain elevator, discovered that the smoke was a swarm of bees.

Old Gourmet. In Hattiesburg, Miss., Clayton E. Stewart missed "those good home-cooked meals," applied for and won readmission to the county jail.

Heavy Favorite. In San Francisco, anchoring a theater-lobby photo of Lauren Bacall in a 200-lb. block of concrete failed to keep the wolves at bay: they took the concrete along with the pinup.

Coming Attraction. In Newark, Jacob Goldis, 69, bought a coffin, tombstone and plot, called a rabbi, invited 40 friends to a dress rehearsal of his funeral.

Criminal Caution. In Hamilton, Ont., Fire Chief William Murdoch appealed to burglars: please stamp out cigaret butts before leaving the scene of the crime.

End of the Line. In Baltimore, Trolley Motorwoman Helen C. Matterson sued her motorman husband for divorce after she found him, she said, at a rendezvous with Motorwoman Helen Tafe--in a streetcar.

Pointless. In Newark, 125,000 red ration points were stolen the night before all red points were declared invalid.

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