Don't Be Beastly. In Oslo. Norway the Norwegian Society for the Protection of Animals made violent objection to the practice of calling war criminals "beasts," suggested they be called "devils" instead.

Fact. In Indianapolis, American Legion officials solemnly ruled that members of the K-9 Corps could not become Legion members, because dogs aren't people.

Kitchen Commando. In Bloomfield township, Mich., a seemingly endless, six-inch-wide column of black ants streamed into the kitchen of Gunnar Turnquist, who fought them in vain with broom and spray gun, finally won out after blazing away for an hour and a half with a blowtorch.

Handy Man. In Tampa, S. F. Guggenheimer won a divorce when he complained that his wife had threatened to have him cremated, mix his ashes with fertilizer, spread them on the lawn.

Thumb Error. Near Placerville. Calif.. escaped Convict Eric Launblad took to the highway, finally thumbed a ride, was promptly nabbed by the driver: the prison warden.

Auto Reflex. In Toledo, Mrs. Margaret Cook's car blew a tire at a railroad crossing, careened down the tracks, struck a signal switch, threw a red block against an approaching freight train.

Well, Hardly Ever. In Camp Funston, Kans., chosen the "perfect replacement" by G.I.s was Sioux Indian Pvt. John Nevermissashot.

Nerve News. In Chicago, burglars got into police headquarters, leisurely cleaned the detective bureau of $10,000 in cash and jewelry, left a litter of 70-odd cigaret butts and burnt matches. Few days later gunmen pinched one of Mayor Kelly's brand-new police-escort cars, used it in four holdups, finally abandoned it and vanished without trace.

Outmoded. In Washington, newsmen who cover the Treasury Department asked for a new adding machine in the pressroom, because the present one, installed during the Coolidge Administration, computes only as high as the millions.

Homebody. In Capetown, Union of South Africa, H. M. Ebrahim fathered his 29th child, commented: " It is a mistake for European people to spend so many evenings at cinemas."

Home Is Where ... In Cedar Rapids., Iowa, James F. Williams, 61, got his 13th divorce, promptly asked the court for permission to remarry, promptly got it, promptly took a 14th wife.

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