Hold the Wire. In Indianapolis, V. E. Day got good & tired of answering his telephone.

Count Me In. In Memphis, Robert E.

Hurst solicited funds for the "Widow of the Unknown Soldier," soon collected (and returned) $11.

In Akronism. In Akron, a thoughtful bus driver drew up at a grocery, an nounced, "They've got cigarets today," waited while all 16 passengers made their purchases.

Cash & Carry. In Des Moines, a war bride, fresh from New Zealand, labored under a pocketbook heavy with coins, and the notion that she had to change a bill every time she bought something.

Sliver My Timbers. In Garden City, Kans., Daniel L. Osborn sued the oil company where he works, claimed that while on the job his wooden leg had been fractured.

Tally Hole! In the course of the Third Army's advance, Lieut. Jack Bradford jumped into a foxhole, found a real live fox in it, sent the pelt home to Atlanta as proof.

Spring Drives. In Salina, Kans., WAC Lieut. Linda Barnes drove her car to a garage, found the trouble was simply a bird's nest and three eggs on the motor block. In Los Angeles, Jessie Sachs's motor continued to hum after the ignition was turned off; under the hood was a busy swarm of bees.

Reprisal. In Tacoma, Wash., Traffic Patrolman U. Drivewell slapped a ticket on Army Sergeant I. Walk.

Chance. In Detroit, the Free Press ran an advertisement: "Wanted: a brave girl to stand against a 48-inch board and al low Rajah Raboid, Sensational Mind Read er, to throw knives around her body with both eyes sealed. ... A $2,500 life in surance policy presented to the girl chosen.

Excellent salary and chance for advance ment." Maritallergy. In Seattle, Clem Perrin received a divorce after testifying that his wife's hair aggravated his asthma.

Unfrocked. In Rangoon, many Bud dhist monks have been forced to become laymen because of the scarcity and high prices of bowls, umbrellas, slippers and yellow robes.

Eye Protection. In Hollywood, the Citizen-News was asked "How can I protect the eyes when peeling onions?"; answered "Dip them for a moment in boiling water. Then begin at the roots and peel upwards."

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