Raconteur

Prime Minister Jan Christiaan Smuts of South Africa set the week's best Teheran story in motion. His version: "Winston Churchill suggested to Stalin the possibility of the Pope's being associated with some of the decisions taken. 'The Pope,' said Stalin thoughtfully. 'The Pope. How many divisions has he?' "

Scorchers

Sir Malcolm Campbell, famed British speedster, was back in the news as a determined lord of the manor. He was charged with equipping his estate with Campbell-designed automatic spring guns which, when released, blasted away with red ochre at unwary trespassers.

Ginger Rogers was fined $4 in Beverly Hills for crashing two red traffic lights.

Groucho Marx let a "beautiful young lady" out of his sedan in Los Angeles and drove into a telephone pole. Treated at a hospital for bruises and a possible rib fracture, he explained: "I was looking at her in the rearview mirror, or rolling up the windows, or something."

Relatives

Mrs. Frank Sinatra reserved a room in the maternity ward of a Jersey City hospital for ten days beginning this week.

Abraham Lincoln, a 43-year-old London clerk who swore that his great-uncle was the original, got nine months at hard labor for receiving stolen property.

Eleanor Roosevelt explained a nose-rubbing picture widely published in U.S. papers. She said that the head Maori guide in New Zealand, "a fine-looking woman" named Ragni, had asked permission to greet her "as we greet all distinguished visitors." Mrs. Roosevelt added that when she was a little girl her father "used to say, 'Let's have a Chinese kiss,' and then we would rub noses. ... I was very glad my father had taught me to rub noses properly."

Bennett in-laws and ex-s turned up at Manhattan's glittery El Morocco, opened the nightclub shindy season. Joan and Barbara are not on speaking terms. Joan, her Producer-Husband Walter Wanger and party entered and found Barbara and Actor-Husband Addison Randall. Then Tenor Morton Downey, ex-of Barbara, joined Joan and party. Barbara and husband departed with Roszika Dolly and husband, but soon returned for a Welsh rabbit. Randall slipped and fell, or was tripped and fell. His in-laws and party laughed. Randall marched over to the in-laws and issued a challenge to Downey. As the pianist played Tales from the Vienna Woods and the violinist played Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin', Randall threw a punch at Downey and someone hit Randall over the head with what he conceived to be a whiskey bottle. He was then carried to his hotel and given seven stitches in the scalp. Announced El Morocco's management later: "Mr. Randall was not hit with a whiskey bottle. It was a candelabrum." He never got his Welsh rabbit.

Mrs. Maud Montgomery, energetic mother of General Sir Bernard, took her first plane ride at 78--from Ireland to the Isle of Man.

Troupers

Jimmy Durante, now 50 and some 15 years away from his nightclubbing prime, left Hollywood with his nose-that-walks-like-a-yam and made his second smashing nightclub comeback in nine months-like the first, at Manhattan's Copacabana.

Aimee Semple McPherson, so-odd and haggard from a five-month bout with tropical fever (caught in Mexico), held a press conference in Los Angeles to wet down rumors that she was through with evangelizing. Cradling the usual bouquet of roses while news photographers got out their flash bulbs, she observed: "They're much better than the old powder trays, aren't they?" That reminded a woman reporter of Aimee's tussle in 1926 with a grand jury probe into what she called her "kidnapping." Snapped the evangelist with a talented grin: "I only remember the hours when the sun shines, sister."

Writers

Robert Benchley, ranking wack for nearly 20 years, announced he was through with writing, explained: "I don't think I write funny any more." Busy as a cinema-radio comic, he added: "I've run out of ideas, and from now on I'm an actor. It's a lot easier and the pay is good."

Franklin Pierce ("F.P.A.") Adams, another of Journalism's gifts to radio, became the second famed versifier in a year to turn to Broadway musicomedy (first was One Touch of Venus's Ogden Nash). Coming: Dream With Music: lyrics by F.P.A.

Upton Sinclair reported to Pasadena police that while he was away from home intruders had: swum in his private swimming pool, used the kitchen as a bathhouse, smoked his cigarets, picnicked on his groceries, departed with seven brass keys to his bookcases, neglected to leave any ration stamps.

The Chosen

Franklin Roosevelt, who passed his New York State bar exams 36 years ago, was admitted to the company of London lawyers--made an Honorary Master of the Bench of Gray's Inn.

Gunder ("The Wonder") Haegg, Swedish track sensation, was chosen Athlete of the Year by Associated Press sportswriters. First foreigner ever picked, 24-year-old Hagg, faced with onrushing age, will soon open up a haberdashery in Malmo.

Joan Fontaine was selected by the Hollywood Women's Press Club as the Least Cooperative Actress of the Year. Runners-up were 1941 Winner Ginger Rogers and Greer Garson. The men's title went to Errol Flynn.

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