No Thinking. In Manhattan, Sign Painters Charles Tague and Joseph Oswell were fined $50 for smoking aboard a berthed ship while they were putting up a sign: NO SMOKING.

Alarm-Clock Conscience. In St. Louis, Mrs. Gwendolyn Shelton, who makes a living waking people up by telephone, had a new customer: a woman who wanted to be called up every night at 10 and ordered to bed.

Anti-Sectarian. In St. Louis, Andrew Thomas Stevenson sued for divorce, complaining that his wife refused to feed him any white bread, white sugar, or meat because it violated the Scientific Order of Spectro-Chrome Metrists' rules based on "solar, lunar, and terrestrial radiant gravitation influence."

No Place Like Home. In Hannibal, N.Y., Orin Draper came back empty-handed from a six-day hunting trip, stepped into his backyard to clean his gun, beheld a seven-point buck, bagged it.

Campaigner. In Kansas City, Patrol man Mellvill Norton, campaigning for traffic safety, watched for jaywalkers on the street, rung their hands, warmly congratulated them on still being alive.

Japanese Surgery. In San Diego, Sergeant Myron Koziar, back from the Solomons, was doing all right minus his tonsils, which had been removed by a Jap bullet.

Where You Hang Your Hat. In Kansas City, police finally took a total stranger off Lee Thomas' hands. Thomas had waked at 2 a.m., found the stranger snoring thunderously in the living room, kicked him out, next found him snoring in the Thomas car.

Way to Skin a Cat. In Hugo, Colo., Milton Evans, unable to buy rationed tires, bought unrationed tires (of obsolete size) plus an obsolete car to fit them.

Tint Hint. In Washington, Western Union advertised for brunette pages, ex plained they outlasted blondes and red heads on the job by about two months.

What's in a Name? In San Francisco, Autoist Safer Safer was charged with driving with unsafe brakes.

What's in Two Names? In an Officers Candidate School in Nebraska a graduating class included two men, Conrad Erickson and Conrad Erickson.

Father's Day. In Hillsboro, Ohio, Harry Woods, who had just heard a broadcast that his son's ship had been sunk, went out for a brooding walk, met his son arriving home on a furlough.

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