Monday, Oct. 12, 1942

Till Death Us Do Part. In Cairo, on complaint of a landlord, a U.S. Army officer was arrested for driving his jeep upstairs to his second-floor apartment every night.

The Life of Wiley. In Lewiston, Idaho, Mrs. Ralph Wiley wrote to her husband in camp; another Ralph Wiley got the letter, read it, sent it back with an apology; another Mrs. Wiley in Lewiston got the letter and the apology, sent it to the first Mrs. Wiley, who got it in the same mail with a letter from her husband complaining about the lack of mail.

Through the Looking Glass. In San Diego, Federal Rent Director John Arvin got a complaint from a tenant that his place was worth more than the rent ceiling let him pay.

Old Sweet Song. In Detroit, Gerald Pelkey was given 30 days in jail for violating his probation. His violation: he came home on a cold night, tried to make his wife yield the warm side of the bed, pulled all the covers on his side when she refused, pushed her out with his feet, jumped up during the argument that followed, seized an ice pick, stabbed holes in all the canned goods in the house.

Bubble Bust. In Great Falls, Mont., prisoners at the county jail wanted to contribute their cell bars to the scrap drive, wrote the county commissioners: "Return our hacksaws -- and we will tend to the rest." The commissioners contributed the saws instead.

New Groom Sweeps Clean. In St. Louis, Clement Landau complained that on his wedding day his bride-to-be skipped town with his car, his wedding suit, $60 he had given her for the purchase of rings, and his best man.

The Doubter. In Lambertville, N.J., nervous Motorist Batista Linco explained he had been driving on 224 consecutive learner's permits over the past 25 years because he had flunked his first driver's test, had been unsure of himself ever since, doubted he could learn all the rules.

Att'n: General Twaddle. At Camp Roberts, Calif., the cooks' battery welcomed a new chef, Private Ralph L. Kitchen. In Indianapolis, one Tempus Fugit joined the Navy.

Small World, California Division. In Los Angeles, Mrs. Elsie Joseph jumped out of the bathtub as a fish jumped out of the faucet. The fish died of hot water.

Cf.: Emerson's "Compensation." In Seattle, after 24 years of drawing compensation as a permanently disabled veteran, Ralph Anderson was pronounced fit for service, drafted.

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