San Francisco's Nerve Center

In San Francisco, citizens got a few sardonic laughs from some gagster's "Plan of Air-Raid Protection and Civilian Defense." The "plan," an ironic salute to bumbling Mayor Angelo Rossi, was "deduced from analysis of activity and progress to date." Excerpts:

1) What to do when the siren blows: Blow back at it.

2) What to do when bomb falls: Remark sagely, "Well, well, look who dropped in!"

3) In the event of strafing: Yell, "Hi Yo, Silver!" point finger at plane and imitate the sound of rapid gunfire. Call the Fourth Interceptor Command and demand to know where the hell our Army and Navy are.

4) In the event of landing parties:

Point out to their leaders that they cannot do this to us.

Other gagsters had more detailed advice:

If you find an unexploded bomb, always pick it up and shake like hell (maybe the firing pin is stuck). If that doesn't work, heave it in the furnace. (The Fire Department will come and take care of things.) If an incendiary bomb is found burning in a building, throw gasoline on it. (You can't put it out anyway, so you might just as well have a little fun.) . . . Always get excited and holler bloody murder. (It will add to the fun and confusion and scare hell out of the kids.) . . . If you should be the "victim of a direct bomb hit, don't go to pieces. (Lie still and you won't be noticed.)

San Franciscans were getting angry. There was little sign that the city was any more prepared for war than it was five weeks ago, when enemy planes were first reported winging over the Bay.

Civilian Defense units were still largely unorganized. Last fortnight, when unidentified planes were reported 80 miles off the Coast, the city had its seventh blackout. Seven sirens, installed after long delay, were drowned out by traffic noises. (Twenty more were ordered at once.) During the blackout, Mayor Rossi was the only official to be found at City Hall, supposed to be the nerve center of air-raid protection. The Mayor did not see anything to get excited about. Said he: "There were no bombs dropped, were there?"

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