Partisan

In Chillicothe, Ohio, a would-be citizen applied for papers. She was asked: "In a republican form of government, how is the Constitution changed?" Replied Mrs. Julia Fitzgerald: "By the Democrats."

Foiled

In Atlanta, Ga., an unemployed night-watchman, James Worthy, depressed by having spent his last penny, piped the exhaust of his car in a window, turned on the engine, began inhaling fumes. Doubly depressed was the would-be-suicide when his car ran out of gas.

No Visitors

In Palm Springs, Calif., Dr. Raymond Bridgman Cowles, student of desert snakes, got sick & tired of uninvited guests. Dr. Cowles surrounded his camp with a double line of mesh fence, in the runway between the fences let loose a number of diamondback rattlers.

Reader

Filed by Mrs. Julia Dobin with the New York State Supreme Court in Syracuse was a divorce application. Charge: Every night Husband Stephen read aloud from the newspaper stories of husbands murdering wives.

Ad

In the Hartford (Conn.) Times a former newspaperman, 34, advertised: "Job Wanted--I can tutor your children, wash your automobile or your dishes, take your dog out for a stroll, do your office work, ghost write for you, prepare your speeches and argue with your mother-in-law. . . . There is nothing wrong with me physically, mentally or morally. Will you take a chance on me?" The advertiser: an inmate in the Connecticut State Prison.

Whopper

Fishing on Recreation Pier, St. Petersburg, Fla., three years ago, W. E. Ervin of Crawfordsville, Miss., dropped his eyeglasses to the bottom of Tampa Bay. Fishing from the same spot last fortnight, Angler Ervin fished up his glasses.

Hole-Filler

In Hankow, China, where Japanese bombs have been making holes in Chinese air fields at a cost of $2,000 each, a wrinkled little Chinese offered airport officials the services of a "machine" that would fill up the holes cheap. His machine: shovels, picks, brooms, wheelbarrows, 5,000 coolies. His fee: 66-c- a hole.

Red Tape

In La Porte, Ind., a young woman clerk in the State employment office impatiently insisted that a young male applicant show his social security number. The applicant peeled jacket, undid shirt, showed her the number tattooed across his chest.

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