The Path of Progress

Patents granted various optimistic inventors by the U. S. Patent Office last week included the following:

P: An apparatus for compressing air against the ear drums. Object: to exercise the ears.

P: A net to protect cities from airplane bombardment. Suspended horizontally on springs, the net would catch the bombs as gently as if they were circus acrobats, prevent them from exploding.

P: A magnetic device to prevent high-speed trains from jumping the track on curves. The centrifugal pull of the train as it rounds a bend would automatically increase the magnetic grip between train and rails.

Other patents granted in recent weeks:

P: Rubber spats, to prevent wet ankles.

P: A baseball bat sheathed in sponge rubber, to diminish the frequency of foul balls.

P: Doughnut shaped bath soap, to be worn on a cord around a bather's neck to keep it from escaping.

P: A toilet bowl which curves upward at the back, to conform to the natural contours of the body.

P: A lifebelt containing a tube full of sulphuric acid and a portion of bicarbonate. Any slight jar breaks the tube, generates carbon dioxide which automatically inflates the belt.

P: An oil can with a rubber spout (undentable, non-clogging).

P: A toothbrush with a rubber bulb on the handle, for rinsing the teeth while brushing.

P: A talking automobile horn, carrying any desired admonition on a sound disk.

P: A can in multiple sections, for canning a complete dinner with beverage.

P: Women's cigarets which produce smoke in any desired color.

P: An instrument, shaped like a four-leaf clover on the end of a stick, for cleaning the nostrils.

P: Spiral wrappings for hot dogs.

P: A mold for forcing Hallowe'en pumpkins to grow into any desired shape.

P: A folding prayer bench.

P: A gun which shoots a disk on the end of a plunger at house flies.

P: A pie pan with markers on the edge, to facilitate cutting pie into just and equal pieces.

P: Side bumpers for automobiles.

P: A shirt with built-in necktie.

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