"TIME brings all things."

Alibi

In London, haled into a Bromley court for speeding and fined $7.50, Hearse Driver Alfred Thomas protested: "I was en route to a burial at sea, and was in a hurry to catch the tide."

Grounds

In Chicago, Charles A. Johnson, 64, was awarded a divorce after 35 years of married life, explained that for the last 15 his wife had habitually called him "Skunk."

Drummer

In Manhattan, Negro Clarence Baker attempted to carry his bass drum through a subway turnstile, was wedged fast 45 minutes before a maintenance crew could release him.

Pendy

In Pauls Valley, Okla. Mrs. Emsy Jackson, Negro, mother of two sons named Tonsilitis ("Tonsy") and Meningitis ("Minny"), gave birth to a daughter, named her Appendicitis ("Pendy").

Balance

In Hastings, Mich., scorning current attempts to pile thousands of matches on top of beer bottles as "mere child's play" (TIME, Dec. 28), Newsboy Elmer ("Monk") White inserted a match in a cork, stood the match up on a table, laid two yardsticks at right angles on the cork, balanced 36 beer bottles on the yardsticks.

Gloomy

In Indianapolis, Jerry W. Flanders, 24, hired a soloist to sing Gloomy Sunday at his funeral, was arrested in a downtown saloon just as he was about to drink a glass of poisoned beer.

Doorman

In Los Angeles' Hotel Biltmore an unidentified woman directed a novice doorman to help her move a chair from the hall to a waiting taxi, drove off with the hotel's furniture.

Patient

In Manhattan, bedded in Presbyterian Hospital reading a detective-story magazine, Drugstore Messenger Jacob Bastocky, 22, was startled to see the picture of an escaped criminal named Joseph Martin whose face he at once spotted two beds away. Keen-eyed Bastocky calmly rang for an orderly who glanced at the magazine photograph and Patient Martin, summoned police.

Justice

In Los Angeles, Federal Judge Leon R. Yankich reviewed a patent suit between Hermann Rongg and Luther Wright, judged Rongg right.

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