"A Little Bird Told Me. . . ."

Liberties which no English correspondent would ever dream of taking were taken every day last week by Canadian reporters, cheerfully covering the Imperial Economic Conference.

They related that the wife of nearly every arriving delegate asked of Canadian Premier Bennett's sister, wife of Minister to the U. S. Herridge, "How's your new baby?" (aged three months).

They pictured British Secretary for War Minister Viscount Hailsham pacing up & down his suite in the Hotel Chateau Laurier when his baggage failed to arrive. They imagined him exclaiming, "My Kingdom for a frockcoat and topper!"

Descending upon a Mrs. Peter Grobler, wife of a South African delegate, they asked her about lions and particularly if cinemas about lions are accurate. "Lions are really not ferocious animals at all!" smiled Mrs. Grobler. "In our Kruger National Park lions will just stand and look at you with as much interest as you have in them. My daughter says one lion came so close to her that she thinks she could have powdered its nose!"

After taking one look at Australia's Stanley Melbourne Bruce virtually all Canadian reporters called him "the handsomest man at the Conference." Said the Ottawa Citizen: "He is tall, fine featured, immaculately groomed; one who must be tempted at times to gaze into the full-sized mirror and encounter the grandiose vision of himself."

Picking over the 195 arriving delegates' luggage, Canada's reporters commented that some of it seemed to have been bought for the occasion and that some of the stuff was just wrapped up. They recorded that Premier Bennett had to walk down to the last car of an incoming train to meet Mr. & Mrs. Stanley Baldwin to whom Mr. Bennett said, ''Greetings,"

"We are very pleased to be here," replied Mr. Baldwin, Chief of the Mother Country's delegation. "You are looking well, Mr. Bennett."

When the next train came in Premier Bennett again had to hasten down to the last car where he said, "How's your father?" to toothbrush-mustached Malcolm MacDonald.

"He's fine, though tired after Lausanne," replied the son of Great Britain's Prime Minister. "He sent you his very best regards. Both operations on his eyes were very successful. The short rest he is taking now at Lossiemouth should fix him up."

Even the dignified pretense that the representatives of His Majesty's Government are living in Ottawa on expense accounts ranging from $2.50 per day for a full delegate down to $1 for a secretary was gayly exploded by Montreal Gossip Colyumist Margaret Currie. "What a thing it is to be a statesman!" wrote she. "A little bird told me that the Premier was host to all the delegates, not only for their accommodation and meals, but for the special train itself which bore them from Quebec to Ottawa. Perhaps this is the first time Canada has ever had a Prime Minister who could afford such a gracious gesture."

With casual candor the Ontario Liquor Control Board made known that within 24 hours after their arrival more than 100 of the 195 guest delegates had applied for free permits to buy liquor* and that among the applicants was the No. 1 delegate of the No. 1 delegation, Stanley Baldwin.

Pomp & Circumstance. Punctual Mr. Baldwin was the first delegate to arrive at Canada's handsome, Gothic House of Commons for the opening of the Conference. He took the seat occupied at Parliamentary sessions by the Rt. Hon. William Lyon Mackenzie King, Liberal Ex-Premier, Leader of His Majesty's Loyal Opposition in Canada and advocate of a policy of close rapprochement with the U. S., from which Conservative Premier Richard Bedford Bennett has suavely but firmly receded.

On the carillon in Ottawa's Peace Tower, Carilloneur Robert J. Donnell played in succession all the local airs of the Empire countries, burst into "Pomp & Circumstance" at the approach in an open carriage of His Excellency Vere Brabazon Ponsonby (pronounced punsunby), Earl of Bessborough and Governor General of the Dominion of Canada.

Spectators readily excused the mess the Foot Guards made of their drill. All earnest young men, perspiring in the broiling sun under immense fur busbies, the Foot Guards marched out of step and had difficulties with their bayonets while trying to execute a few simple evolutions. Up drove Premier Bennett in his glistening Stearns-Knight (an "orphan car" no longer manufactured). Up drove other delegates in official Buicks. In the House of Commons, kleig lights blazed upon the Throne, movietone cameras whirred, microphones were switched on and Lord Bessborough began to read the King's message while all delegates and spectators stood.

Lest the Irish Free State delegation bolt, the message omitted His Majesty's customary allusion to his "loyal subjects" and the Conference in a subsequent resolution thanking His Majesty omitted the customary words "allegiance" and "loyalty." With a broad Irish grin, Free State Vice President Sean O 'Kelly called the resolution "the least provocative (from an Irishman's point of view) that has ever been sent by an Imperial Conference to the King."

Even so it took courage on Mr. O'Kelly's part to stand for such proceedings at all. Later in the day Canadian Premier Bennett made a point of clasping Mr. O'Kelly in a warm embrace around the shoulders and publicly exclaiming, "I know, I know, my friend, how difficult this has been for you!"

The Governor General, having spoken the King's piece and received the Conference's thanks, drove home to Rideau Hall, his viceregal residence. Up popped England's Baldwin, nominated Canada's Bennett as permanent chairman. Up stood Australia's "handsomest" Bruce to second the nomination. By unanimous vote Mr. Bennett then took the Desk (carried in and placed in front of the Throne) for the duration of the Conference.

Eight Keynotes. Considering that one-quarter of the world's population was rep resented at the Conference, with eight distinct His Majesty's Governments* represented, the Conference did well to finish its keynoting on the first day.

Broadly speaking, Canada, Australia and New Zealand called for higher tariff barriers against non-Empire lands, with consequent larger purchases of foods and raw materials by the Mother Country from the dominions, in return for which they stood ready to make larger purchases of manufactured goods from her.

Mr. Baldwin, speaking for that vast, preponderant part of the British Commonwealth which does not have "dominion status," showed his frank perplexity, lived up to his reputation as one of those Englishmen who follow the proud policy of "muddling through." Said he: "There are two ways in which increased preference can be given--either by lowering barriers among ourselves or by raising them against others. The choice between these two must be governed largely by local considerations. But subject to that, it seems to us that we should endeavor to follow the first rather than the second course. . . . Let us, therefore, aim at the lowering rather than the raising of barriers if we cannot fully achieve our purpose now, and let us remember that any action we take here is bound to have its reactions elsewhere."

This was hedging, weasling--perhaps a wise course since it left open every avenue for muddling through. In sharp contrast was South Africa's crisp demand for "the restoration of the gold standard" throughout the Empire (South African pounds & shillings being still on the gold standard).

Prudently the Irish Free State made no keynote demands, Mr. O'Kelly declaring, "We most earnestly hope that the Conference will be a success, whether or not the people of the Free State can share in the ultimate benefits." Thus he alluded to the tariff war between the Mother Country and the Free State.

"Undress Dickering." The full-dress opening of the Conference was admittedly unimportant. Undress dickering and secret deals were already going on behind the scenes. British papers printed stories of an accord, said to have been reached by steel producers in the Mother Country and steel consumers in Canada, looking to the shutting out of U. S. steel from the Dominion which bought $168,000,000 worth during the year ending March 31, 1931.

Into the dickering pot Stanley Melbourne ("Handsomest") Bruce threw an Australian ultimatum in the form of a 5,500-word handout to the Press. Mentioning Argentina, Russia and Denmark by name, fighting Mr. Bruce demanded that the Mother Country cut down her imports of Argentine meat, Danish dairy products and Russian wheat and lumber either by Dipping her tariff or by a quota system forcing buyers in the United Kingdom to import more of these things from the Dominions, especially Australia. Mr. Bruce added a long list of articles (notably meat) on which Australia wants preferential treatment, asserting of course that Australia, if generously treated, will respond no less generously.

From New Zealand's not quite so handsome Chief Delegate Joseph Gordon Coates a similar blast was momentarily expected. But with the entire Conference in a state of preparatory flux the Mother Country quietly managed to keep her end up. She wangled her Secretary for War, Viscount Hailsham (famed when he was Attorney General Sir Douglas Hogg), into chairmanship of the Conference's first and most important working group: the Committee on Empire Trade Promotion.

Ambition & Mrs. Runciman. Also set up last week were the Committee on Relations with Foreign Nations, Committee on Currency, Committee on Customs Regulations, Committee on Economic Relations. All these began work in secret. Strangely enough it was Mrs. Walter Runciman, ex-M.P.--whose husband was supposed to be a high tariff man in the Baldwin delegation--who unbosomed in such a way as to create the first Conference furor.

"To buy good foodstuffs as cheaply as possible is the ambition of the English woman!" said Mrs. Runciman firmly. "A further tax [on food] would take a lot of explaining." Drawn out at greater length Mrs. Runciman said in substance that the British consumer will not submit to higher food prices even to ensure the success of the Conference. She appeared to assume that a tariff shutting non-Empire food out of the Mother Country would inevitably result in the Dominions charging higher prices for their food, even though it should enter the Mother Country duty free. Since Mr. Runciman is a leading British financier, industrialist and shipowner, and since he is president of the Board of Trade (a British Cabinet post), such statements from his wife set Ottawa by the ears, made it harder to "muddle through." Within 24 hours the Conference Press spokesman announced, "There will be no more interviewing of wives of delegates."

"Cricket Spirit." In characteristic vein Mr. Baldwin and his No. 2 Muddler, the Rt. Hon. James Henry ("Jim") Thomas, onetime engine greaser, now Secretary for the Dominions, permitted themselves to be interviewed by the Canadian Press.

Both statesmen are tireless pipe puffers. While Mr. Baldwin puffed Mr. Thomas let his pipe grow cold, speaking volubly of how the world crisis had grown worse & worse "until the down and out spirit became prevalent in the minds of many people."

Interrupting Muddler Thomas at this point by a tap upon the knee, Muddler Baldwin interjected, "We were never in that crowd, Jim !"

"Never!" cried Mr. Thomas, taking his cue. "I was about to add -- 'with the exception of you and me.' "

Mr. Baldwin, in figure, face and manner the image of John Bull, saved the inter view by declaring in handsome English fashion: "The whole Conference is above parties and personalities. We are in the true cricket spirit. We don't care tup pence who makes the runs, so long as the Empire as a whole wins a victory."

*Non-delegates pay $2 per permit.

*1) Great Britain, India and other Non-Self-Governing Lands; 2) Canada; 3) Australia; 4) New Zealand; 5) South Africa; 6) Newfoundland; 7) Irish Free State; 8) Southern Rhodesia. Southern Rhodesians hotly maintain that since they are a "self-governing colony" they have the equivalent of "dominion status," but Southern Rhodesia is not in the strictest sense a dominion. Scarcely any U. S. citizens and not many Mother Countrymen can bound Southern Rhodesia which lies 100 mi. inland, from the cast coast of Africa opposite Madagascar. It is bounded on the East by Portugese East Africa (Mozambique), on the South by the dominion of the Union of South Africa, on the West by the British Protectorate of Bechuanaland and on the North (of course) by Northern Rhodesia which is a non-self-governing-colony without a parliament or premier. Proud indeed are Southern Rhodesians of their Parliament and of hardy, pioneering Premier Howard Unwin Moffat, their Chief Delegate last week at the Ottawa Conference.

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