"TIME brings all things."

Hearing

In Dallas, Texas, a Negro named Claud Williams was arrested for owning a cache of whisky, taken before U. S. Commissioner Lee R. Smith for the following hearing:

Q. "What do you plead?"

A. "I pleads guilty and waives the hearing."

Q. "What do you mean, waive the hearing?"

A. "I means I don't want to hear no more about it."

Hinks

In Upperville, Va., Reverend Everett Hinks was annoyed by neighbors' chickens eating the flowers in his garden. Chicken-owning neighbors of Mr. Hinks denied their fowl had committed the depredations. Mr. Hinks, ingenious, got many pieces of string, tied one end of each to a kernel of corn and the other end to a placard, left them in his flower garden. One day his astonished neighbors heard their chickens crowing lustily, found hanging from their beaks placards bearing the legend: "I Have Been in Reverend Hinks' Flower Garden."

License

In Chicago, Mary Beckman haled Rudolph Beckman to court for nonsupport. As proof that Rudolph was her husband Mary Beckman produced an unused marriage license 25 years old, explained: ''That's all we ever had." The judge lent Rudolph & Mary Beckman $2.85 toward a new $3 license, married them in court with their seven children as witnesses.

Walk

On a fast-moving Rock Island freight train near Martell, Neb., Hobo Sam Wilson walked in his sleep, walked through the door of a box car, landed on his feet.

Jump

In Staunton, Va., Arthur Fournier fell asleep on a bus, dreamed he was asleep on the deep. Still asleep, he leaped to his feet, cried: "She's sinking! Jump for your lives!" No fool to remain aboard a sinking ship, Arthur Fournier jumped through the window, was killed.

Boast

In Chicago, Veteran Blacksmith Matthew Lyons boasted on his 63rd birthday that automobiles would never put him out of business. Blacksmith Lyons shod his last horse, closed his shop, stepped from the curb, was hit by an automobile, died.

Teddy

In New York, one Teddy, a Maltese cat, crawled down a chimney, wailed loudly for help. Up jumped sleepers, up flew windows. Teddy continued to scream. Angered residents called the police, nine policemen arrived, tried to entice Teddy out with catnip and pork. Teddy stayed put. The policemen chopped through a 4-in. wall, found it was the wrong wall. They chopped another hole, a policeman reached for Teddy, Teddy reached the policeman first, the policeman let go. A boy pulled Teddy out, the S.P.C.A. executed him painlessly with lethal gas, the neighborhood slept again.

Change

In Danville, Ind., two bandits entered the Thompson Drug Co. store, gave Clerk A. G. Kelleher a $20 bill, asked for change. When he opened the cash drawer they seized its contents, $11, and fled, leaving Clerk Kelleher with the $20 bill.

Moocher

In Harlem, Negro Bandmaster Cab Galloway admitted that Songwriter Irving Mills (white) had written the words to the verse of the Negro song, "Minnie the Moocher," but proudly insisted he wrote all the words to the chorus himself. The chorus:

Ho do ho de ho (Ho de ho de ho)

Rah de dah de dah (Rah de dah de dah)

Tee-die dee de dee (Tee-die dee de dee)

Bee de doo de dow, Oh, Minnie!

We da wa de doo, ho de ho de ho.

Thief

In Los Angeles, a thief climbed the fence of R. L. Bowman's yard and stole nine imported skunks.

Holdup

In Manhattan, two men held up James Rizzo, messenger boy, gave him a gold watch, a silver medal set with a diamond and $64 in cash.

Test

In Washington, D. C., the Bureau of Standards made a noise test, pronounced that it is less annoying to live next door to a saxophone player than next door to a tap dancer.

Bundle

In Manhattan. Policeman Charles Benvenuto found one Oscar Lindquist, a sailor, foundering in traffic. As Policeman Benvenuto hurried to arrest him Sailor Lindquist stumbled, fell, dropped a bundle, which rolled between two car tracks. Policeman Benvenuto recovered the bundle, opened it, found inside a 2-year-old baby. Sailor Lindquist thought he might have got it in a speakeasy.

Sight

In Manhattan, a bottle of near-beer exploded in the face of Victor Vernon, blinded him. A year later Victor Vernon heard that his son had been arrested in a stolen car, fell to the floor in a faint. When he came to he had recovered his sight. But Victor Vernon was not happy because while he was blind he had received $75 a month from the city.

Wire

In Nairobi, East Africa, telegraph service was interrupted for 24 hours because natives had cut lengths of wire to use for clothing.

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.