Black Jalander

Ruthless at clapping alcoholics into asylums, bootleggers into jails, is knobby-fisted General Jalander, Prefect of the half-million Finns in Usimaa Department. Pale-nosed teetotalers received last week with mixed feelings one of His Excellency's pepperiest pronouncements.

"New prisons must be built in Nyland [recently renamed Usimaa], and in every other Finnish province!" he declared, went on to demand new asylums, more enforcement agents. But, after pledging himself to continue sternest measures, "Black Jalander" concluded:

"In the course of our ten years of prohibition the Government and Parliament have utterly failed, in my opinion, to devise means for efficient enforcement. . . . The majority of our citizens apparently refuse to support prohibition and regard it as a sport to commit offenses. . . . The country is flooded with liquor. ... It is time for our dreaming Prohibitionists to face this fiasco and awake!"