"Names make news." Last week the following names made the following news:

Calvin Coolidge, a director of New York Life Insurance Co., started from his Northampton home last week to attend a board meeting in Manhattan. In the Northampton station he sat--and sat. No train came. Director Coolidge eyed his watch, sat some more, in silence. After a half-hour, a station employe asked him what he was waiting for. Together they discovered that Director Coolidge had mistaken standard for daylight saving time. ... In Manhattan, Director Coolidge did not attend a performance of The Little Show, new revue. But a portly gentlewoman with a large handbag did attend, in an aisle seat. There is a joke in The Little Show about Calvin Coolidge at the insurance company meeting. The comedian says: "When he opened his mouth to speak, six moths flew out." When the lady in the aisle seat heard that, she clutched her handbag and said: "They have no right to say such things!"

Douglas Fairbanks plays a game of his own invention called "Goose." Among his constant victims is Sid Grauman, Hollywood theatre owner. Last week when Mr. & Mrs. Fairbanks (Mary Pickford) left Hollywood for Manhattan, Jokester Grauman hired Jo-Jo, a trained cinema goose whose accomplishments are worth $25 a day; dressed him fastidiously, left him in the Fairbanks stateroom with a message wishing the couple "a goose of a good time." Jo-Jo was not returned before train time. His owner grew worried, threatened to sue Jokester Grauman for $2,500. Jokester Grauman, flustered, wired Mr. Fairbanks at Albuquerque, N. Mex.: "Hope you had a good laugh with the goose. Please ship him back immediately as he is Jo-Jo, the screen actor, and his owner wants him for picture work."

Mr. Fairbanks replied: "Your touching wire received. But too late. Jo-Jo was the toughest motion picture actor we have ever eaten. Suggest you take the matter up with Equity."

Charles Augustus Lindbergh ("Good Will") has been stained in glass for a window of the Trinity Methodist-Episcopal Church of Springfield, Mass. Other large figures in the window: John Wesley ("Evangelism"), Bishop Phillips Brooks ("Prophecy"). Other smaller figures: Columbus, Bach, Shakespeare, Frank Billings Kellogg.

Henry Ford dilated on diet and divines, in the June Red Book magazine out last week. Said he: "Instead of cluttering up religion with a lot of things that do not belong to it, why doesn't the clergy teach people how to eat? ... The desire to drink is a false appetite . . . created in the first place, not by liquor, but by wrong combinations of food. . . . Part of the lesson toward physical fitness was the elimination of meat on Friday. The clergy developed that. Let it go ahead and finish the job."

Eddie Cantor, 37, famed comedian, whose antics in Whoopee pay him $5,000 weekly, declared last week he would leave the stage after the present season, retire to his farm in Great Neck, L. I. "After my five daughters went to bed one night," said he, "my wife, my doctor and I held a conference. . . . We decided that Eddie should go in for being a country gentleman."

Michael, 7, King of Rumania, dressed in a blue suit, played soldiers last week. The soldiers were alive. 100,000 of them, marching past for four hours--Baby King Michael's first military review.

Mrs. Harry Elstner Talbott, dowager of Dayton, Ohio, energetic patroness-manager of Dayton's famed Westminster Choir, now on European concert tour ,TIME, March 25), arose from her chair ast week in Prague to reply to a toast which Prague Mayor Baxa had drunk to he choir in clear Czechoslovakian wine. Said she: "We are patriotic Americans. We don't drink, but thank you just the same." The Westminster Choir-singers are not supposed to use tobacco, either.

"Theodore Roosevelt Jr. may yet become a governor," said a press despatch from Washington last week. The governorship meant was not that of New York, for which he has campaigned, nor of the Philippines, which he would like to get, but of Porto Rico. President Hoover, said reports, had asked Porto Ricans how they would like Col. Roosevelt. . . . Last fortnight a cable from Hong Kong to Manhattan said: GREAT LUCK SHOT GIANT PANDA JOINTLY STOP THEODORE ROOSEVELT. A panda, also called wah, is a large dimwitted Asiatic raccoon. The "jointly" in the Roosevelt cablegram referred to the fact that the sender is accompanied by his able brother, Kermit Roosevelt.

Admiral Stephen Horthy, regent of Hungary, returned last week from South Africa to Budapest with two hunting companions, many stories of shooting eleven elephants, several rhinoceroses, five buffaloes, a lion.

Polar Explorer Vilhjalmur Stefansson, lecturing at Oxford University, said: "The Far North is the greatest Hero Factory in the world."

The estate of the late Dr. Joseph J. Lawrence, inventor of "Listerine," who died 20 years ago in Manhattan, was announced last week to be valued at between seven and eleven million dollars.

Robert Tyre ("Bobby") Jones, golfer-lawyer, was last week admitted to the bar in Atlanta, his home town.

Vilma Banky, Hungarian cinemactress, wife of Cinemactor Rod La Rocque, last week became a U. S. citizen.

John Macrae, president of E. P. Button & Co., famed Manhattan publishers, was sued last week for $200,000 libel by the Book of the Month Club. Publisher Macrae has often charged that the club judges are influenced in their choice of books by the club business managers. The club judges: Editor-Critic Henry Seidel Canby, Colyumist Heywood Broun, Authoress Dorothy Canfield, Author Christopher Morley, Publicist William Allen White.

Fraulein Clairenore Stinnes of Berlin, slim, blonde daughter of the late Hugo Stinnes, German steel tycoon, arrived in Chicago last week with C. S. Soderstrom, Swedish sportsman, her traveling companion. For two years they have been touring the world by auto. Starting from Germany they traversed southern Europe, Turkey, Russia, Siberia, China, South America. They arrived by boat in San Francisco early in April, expect to reach Manhattan early in June. Knickered, sweatered Fraulein Stinnes said she had lost 28 Ibs., told tales of motor hardship. Their car, an Adler, was the first to cross the Peruvian Andes, a task requiring an auxiliary truck, 35 men, a block & tackle. Mid-Siberia was a mud sea. Cautious, they often carried as much as 800 gallons of gasoline. "But running out of water was the worst," said Fraulein Stinnes. "And cigarets was next. If you haven't water you can't smoke. In Siberia, when we filled up with water, we went back along the road looking for butts."

Mrs. Mary Josephine ("Polly") Lauder Tunney last month underwent an emergency operation for an abscessed appendix. Newsmen discovered the fact last week when famed Professor-Surgeon Arthur Wold Meyer of Berlin, who per formed the operation at the Isle of Brioni in the Adriatic, returned to Berlin. Dr. Meyer told how Mrs. Tunney's tall, mus cular husband had paced anxiously in the moonlight, how he wept, how he acted ''like a big boy" for joy when the operation succeeded. A daily caller on Convalescent Mrs. Tunney was Neighbor George Bernard Shaw, Husband Tunney's playmate (and master) at chess.