Gab Fest

When he speculated upon the most common of all human pastimes, Talking, it appeared to Milton ("Dance Marathon") Crandall that the purpose of this sport was to see who could talk the longest. Accordingly he announced a "noun and verb rodeo, the world's championship gab-fest," and set up a ticket-taker at the gate of an armory in Manhattan.

Inside the armory, last week, were 36 characters, all making noises with their mouths. The contest was to last 81 hours, 45 minutes. To the talker who talked most in that time, Promoter Crandall would give $1,000.

Each contestant was on a low small platform in front of a sleeping-tent. Spectators could stroll among the platforms and, if they chose, interrupt the contestants' squeaks and moans, their reading aloud, mumbling, gibbering, singing.

The competitors were characters widely diverse in aspect: Captain Smoke, a hermit; Jean Cabell O'Neill, "a very famous pen-woman"; May Shaw, who set out to read aloud the whole Bible; an Indian Chief named Hawk, who made dirty drawings; a charming Mexican girl who sang the sad dance songs of her country, accompanying herself on the piano in the middle of the arena.

When the boring competition ended, Betty Wilson, a swimmer, and Howard Williams, a steeplejack and flagpole sitter, were tied for first prize. Promoter Crandall suggested that they talk off the tie. The gab fest cost Promoter Crandall $12,000 and he derived no financial profit from his game.