"Coolidge, Quarterback"

Clinton W. Gilbert, author of The Mirrors of Washington and correspondent of the Philadelphia Public Ledger, delivered himself of an egregious metaphor, highly complimentary to C. Coolidge:

When I pick an All-American football team of Presidents I shall put Coolidge in as quarterback. He is the weight and size for a quarterback. He gets in every play as no other President I have ever seen does. He follows the ball like one possessed. He handles it with fingers that never slip. His generalship is never caught asleep. He eats, drinks, lives the game. In the whole list of Presidents there isn't another quarter like him.

Of course, this must be a non-partisan team, so I put in Grover Cleveland for centre--beefy, built low to the ground, aggressive yet a tower of strength on the defense; sure in passing and quick on his feet for a man of his weight and power. And there is Andrew Jackson for tackle--tall, rangy and muscular--the ideal build for that place in the line--a rough and dangerous player, a terror to his opponents, quick on his feet and down the field under punts ahead of the ends. Then there is Theodore Roosevelt for fullback, a bit showy and an individualist, but he bucks the line with the best of them. Highly versatile, he also runs around end well and can drop a goal from the field from the forty-five yard line. "Hit 'em where they ain't," he says, borrowing his motto from baseball.

But I'm not going to waltercamp this whole team. Anybody who wants to can waltercamp the other seven members for himself.